My husband and I have a few friends and family that have either waited until they were older to have kids, are still waiting, or still deciding if they want kids at all.
We, on the other hand, had our kids quite early in life. It’s very common at family gatherings for it to be all adults and then my two girls. Over the course of the years, we’ve gotten dragged into many conversations about when the right time to have kids is.
No matter who we talking with, they inevitably end up saying something like this: “Well, we’d rather live our life first, and then have kids, rather than waiting until we’re in our forties to start traveling and living life.”
I usually nod and smile and say something like, “Well, we aren’t exactly waiting for our lives to start.” But I don’t go much farther than that because I’m afraid that no matter what I say, I’ll end up sounding as if I‘m judging them for choosing to wait until they’re older to have kids. And I am honestly not.
I don’t care when you have kids, or if you have them at all. I mean, sure, if I had it my way, all of my cousins and siblings would have huge families and our parties would be bursting with little ones running around. But that’s only because I love kids and want more babies to squeeze. But when it comes down to it, have kids, don’t have kids, I don’t care.
However.
There is something that is starting to bug me more and more and it’s this perspective that parents don’t have fun until the kids leave the nest. Or that you need to get in all the fun you can possibly imagine before having kids, because otherwise you are going to miss out.
I don’t think I’m in the minority when I say, I actually enjoy being a parent. And it’s not just the Kodak snuggling sessions with your toddler saying I love you so much with a little lisp type of moments that I enjoy. Though those are huge perks of this life.
Besides all the parenting stuff that goes on around here, we also just do life together. We laugh, we joke. We love all the same movies. We’d rather spend time with them than just about anyone else.
Sure, we haven’t traveled much. But it’s not because we’re waiting for our kids to grow up before we do the real stuff of life. So it’s not that we’re waiting for our kids to leave before our big Europe trip. No, what we’re waiting for is more like a big bag of cash to fall on our front step.
So yeah, we’re broke. But guess what? We’d probably be just as broke without kids. Earning a ritzy living has never been high on our priority list.
And, sure, sometimes my kids drive me crazy. But guess what? So does my husband. And I drive them all crazy sometimes, too.
And yes, sometimes I need a break from those two beautiful faces that call me mom and I need to just stick my nose in a book and escape life for a bit. But guess what? I’ve been doing that my whole life, long before kids.
So I understand that not everyone wants to have kids, and I respect that decision. Not everyone should be parents.
But those of you that say you want to live your life before you have kids? I’ve finally figured out why it bothers me when you say that. It’s kind of insulting. Believe me when I say, I’m not missing out on anything.
I’m not waiting for anything to start.
Yes, my life is all tangled up with three other individuals.
It’s messy.
It’s beautiful.
It’s exhausting.
But this life of mine? It’s happening right now.
And I love it.
Mamala says
Not everyone loves being a parent. So sad. Investment in any other venture is sure to disappoint in comparison.
But then maybe that is just me.
Homegrown Mom says
It is sad 🙁
Angela says
Love it. Actually we did wait 10 years but not really for any particular reason. I feel the same way you do about being a mom. Even having had more than a decade as an adult before they came along and I will say life without them really wasn’t a life. We traveled a ton, had lots of friends, did lots of adult things, had lots of fun, but none of it compares and I would have been short changed had I never had them. I guess the blissfulness came from not knowing what I was missing.
Homegrown Mom says
This is beautiful. And so glad you have been blessed with your kids!
Claire says
I was almost 39 when we adopted our son. It wasn’t exactly my choice to become a parent later in life, although some bad choices I made in my twenties probably contributed to the timing of it. But in any case, I love being a mom and I’m not looking forward to the empty nest, and I totally agree with you that it is a myth that life starts after the kids grow up!
Homegrown Mom says
God’s timing is perfect! I am not looking forward to the empty nest, either. But I am excited about being a grandma one day!
Tina Pizor says
In their defense, they have no idea what being a parent themselves looks like. They have no clue, so they are basing those comments on ideas others have given them about parenting. I would just nod and smile, knowing they have no clue how wonderful it is. Once they find out, they will think the same way you do about it.
I use to think it was ridiculous for people to have toys strewn all over their living rooms. I thought people should make their kids keep their toys in their rooms because it cluttered the house. Then I had a daughter and ended up with a huge Step 2 plastic kitchen in my living room for 4 years. People just can’t foresee their life with kids. They are clueless until they are blessed with their own.
Rachel says
I have two boys, ages 3 and 1 and I’m “only” 30. It’s actually hard to find 25-30 years olds who are married with kids these days. Life is no doubt the craziest it’s ever been, but they make life SO rich. Thank you for this post..very well put!